Alistair Houghton joins forces with French dog-howling squealer Camille as they take on the unholy trinity of Mariah, Whitney and Celine. Getintothat.
Camille: Money Note – Single of the Week
Yes, you could call it a novelty disco tune by the French Bobby McFerrin. But itÃ¢ÂÂs clever and fun, and heaps well-deserved scorn on the Whitney/Mariah/Celine unholy trinity of the 1,000-notes-where-one-will-do school of musical mangling, as copied on the X-Factor and every Hull working manÃ¢ÂÂs club talent contest (trust me on that. I know.) Ã¢ÂÂI just wanna beat MariahÃ¢Â?, she screams, before unleashing a ridiculous dog-bothering squeal. Job done.
Fight Like Apes: Lend Me Your Face
Their first EP was How Am I Supposed To Kill You If You Have All The Guns? The second was David Carradine Is A Bounty Hunter Whose Robotic Arm Hates Your Crotch. If only this could match those titles Ã¢ÂÂ itÃ¢ÂÂs shouty and hooky, but hard to get excited about. Bonus points for loud and snotty Mclusky cover Lightsabre Cock-sucking Blues on the B-side, though.
Dirty Pretty Things: Tired Of England
Opens with Ã¢ÂÂHow can they be tired of EnglandÃ¢Â? in a way briefly reminiscent of an ordinary later Morrissey tune, but swiftly nosedives from those not-so-dizzy heights and outstays its welcome. Carl BaratÃ¢ÂÂs aiming for a state of the nation address, but if it wasnÃ¢ÂÂt for the state of Pete Doherty would anyone still be listening?
Noah and the Whale: 5 Years Time
I see soft-focus happy young people grooving over their new mobiles. Starts off in painfully twee fashion with a trip to the zoo where thereÃ¢ÂÂs love in the bodies of the elephants too, but builds into an agreeably cheery ditty in that TV advert modern kind-of-folk-music way.
Ã¢ÂÂThereÃ¢ÂÂll be love love love wherever you goÃ¢Â?, it chirps. If that hasnÃ¢ÂÂt been on a mobile phone ad already, it will be soon.
Black Kids: Hurricane Jane
Top-notch end-of-the-night indie disco fare Ã¢ÂÂ itÃ¢ÂÂs 2am and youÃ¢ÂÂre looking one last time for that special someone, though you canÃ¢ÂÂt feel your feet and everything is just spinning.
Disco-esque guitar, 80s feel, and the big chorus Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs Friday night and I ainÃ¢ÂÂt got nobody.Ã¢Â? Produced by Bernard Butler, by the way, give that man a knighthood for Dog Man Star.
Estelle: No Substitute Love
Melds together Substitute Lover and George MichaelÃ¢ÂÂs Faith to no great effect. Reggae-lite, could be on any local radio station playlist from 1992 onwards, only livens up briefly with EstelleÃ¢ÂÂs London-twanged rapping. Produced by Wyclef Ã¢ÂÂ if he gets a knighthood IÃ¢ÂÂm moving to Switzerland.
The Rascals: Freakbeat Phantom
TheyÃ¢ÂÂve toured with the Coral and the Arctic Monkeys and this falls squarely between those two benchmarks. Solid slab of Scousepop from the Wirral boys, with frontman Miles Kane back to the day job after his record with Alex Turner in The Last Shadow Puppets.
The Dodos: Red and Purple
When I first heard this I scribbled down: Ã¢ÂÂSimon and Garfunkel goes GracelandÃ¢Â?, but thatÃ¢ÂÂs not quite right Ã¢ÂÂ itÃ¢ÂÂs an agreeable rhythm-heavy samba-esque shuffle. Quite Twisted Nerve, this, Badly Drawn Boy could be taking notes, you could hear it on a night out in Chorlton.
Kid Sister: Pro Nails
File under Ã¢ÂÂjust a bit too irritatingly catchyÃ¢Â?. IÃ¢ÂÂm a responsible adult now, I donÃ¢ÂÂt want to be humming Ã¢ÂÂGot her toes done up with her fingernails matchingÃ¢Â? while buying organic yoghurt. Features another Kanye West cameo, this time giving a shout out to MC HammerÃ¢ÂÂs pants.
Politicised rap-rockers with added viola. They want to Ã¢ÂÂbombard this war-torn planet with cries for peaceÃ¢Â?, apparently, and letÃ¢ÂÂs salute them for giving a monkeys. This? In a word, worthy.