Ian McNabb: Still smirtin’ and spurtin vitriol in 2014

Ian McNabb’s online diatribe den has overflowed with verbal riches in 2014, here Getintothis’ Peter Guy selects 114 great one liners.

Let’s be honest, rock & roll has gotten seriously stale. It’s coming to something that one of the most vital voices in contemporary music is 44-year-old vocalist Jason Williamson of Nottingham bile-spouters Sleaford Mods.

Marketing, management and mass middle-class dilution of music has resulted in a poor state of affairs when it comes to rallying and kicking against the cunts. In a time when the system is openly screwing society where are the music makers intent on saying something (anything) that matters?

Well, on our online doorstep, as it happens. For if you’re one of the 4,999 (at last count) Facebook friends of Ian McNabb, you needn’t have switched on a TV, read a newspaper, followed trends on Twitter or even left the house to be given some kind of sledgehammering insight into the current state of affairs on planet Earth.

Acting as an online judge, jury and often executioner, McNabb’s opinions are so vociferous that they enter into your timeline like a Sponsored ‘FUCK YOU’ against much that is ill in today’s bottomless vacuum of sociological monotony and corruption. Whether you agree or disagree isn’t really the point, at least he’s saying it – sometimes to the chagrin of his ‘famous’ pals. Whatever your take, there’s always a healthy dose of wit and a side order of bollock-kicking which makes for pleasurable reading.

Best of all, this is a musician – who unlike many of his peers – refuses to relax on former glories. Few have been busier in the last 18 months; a new album, numerous tours, a radio show, a weekly gig in which he hosts new Liverpool talent – oh, and that support slot with Neil Young & Crazy Horse. It’s a damn sight more than most of the young pretenders.

So in honour of a year spent riffling the riffs, both onstage and online, here’s 114 of his best vitriolic spurts – plus, for the purposes of balance, the odd nicety too.

Keep on smirtin, Ian!

1. There seems to be a horrible trend at the moment to demolish music venues and build more flats. People who live in said flats then complain about all the noise of the remaining music venues. Word To The Wise; If you don’t like noise DON’T LIVE IN A CITY CENTRE. Hurry up and have your kid and sod off to the suburbs.

2. Right. Who’s the shittest band ever? I’ll kick it off. Deacon Blue.

3. Sending good vibrations out to the people in upstate New York suffering a micro ice age. Suffice to say if it happened here the country would be closed down and everyone would die.

4. You know music’s in the fucking toilet when a shoegazing revival looks imminent.

5. Something amazing happened this year! I got to open up for me hero, Neil [Young], in Liverpool. And he payed me! Thanks uncle Neil, love you forever unconditionally. I will never forget that day.

6. [On Pete Price] PP has forged a career out of being a local “celeb” by compering at social clubs in the seventies and being a DJ. He is infamous rather than famous and counts the entire light entertainment industry as his personal photo ops. I gave him a copy of an album I had out a couple of years ago to which he commented “I can’t do anything with this.” I replied “How about you listen to it?”

7. There can be no “terror” anymore. They can see your skidmarks from space. All “terror”is created by the government. False flags.

8. Cunt El Supreme. [On Sting]

9.  I am the rock Victor Meldrew and my public loves me darling.

10. How many bands are now gigging without their original front man?! Pack it in. Rip off merchants. If your lead singer’s absent or dead, so is your band.

11. Pearl Jam. 25 years. 0 songs.

12. Society has become an effective sewage system.

13. Miley Cyrus‘ vagina to record solo album.

14. Cyclists. I appreciate your environmentally correct take on transport. However, put some fucking lights on when it’s dark (it’s illegal not to but the pigs are too busy handing out tickets to motorists to bother with you), wear some hi-viz clobber in the dark nights, and stop thinking your faster than me and can get into that turn off before I get there. I’ve nearly killed two of you in the last hour and neither of us need that inconvenience.

15.  If the music business was run like other businesses everybody would be sacked every day.

16. Glastonbury. All the worst fuckin’ bands in the rain. Enjoy!!!!

17. Metallica SMASHING IT [On Lars & co. at Glastonbury]

18. It’s funny how we’re broke to the point of people starving/freezing to death but always have money for guns, bombs and the war on terrorism.

19. Relics by Pink Floyd. Superb budget compilation that people who bought Dark Side Of The Moon picked up on release and were shocked that they now had a very weird psychedelic album in their collection that had nothing in common with 70s Floyd. I love bands that are together for a long time in their various line ups and incarnations. Always changing, always evolving. Fleetwood Mac being my favourite of course. I also love bands who stay together forever and never change a thing. Music is my life and it has never let me down. The music BUSINESS fucks you over, the music is innocent.

20. Carl Barat and Pete Doherty will receive £500,000 each for their performance at Hyde park this summer. Hardworking musicians the length and breadth of Britain all collectively put their head in their hands and wonder where exactly they went wrong.

21. Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have split up. They must have bored themselves to death.

22. [On Black Friday] Humanity hits an all time low.

23. God I miss the seventies. [posts big picture of Faggots in rich West Country sauce].

24. It’s not cool to write songs anymore. You could be using that time to get your beard waxed or your steam punk wardrobe together. Or going round antique shops looking for penny farthings.

25. Hannah‘s was great until they turned it into the set from Friends.

26. There is no terror threat whatsoever. Nil. Nada. Zero. These new measures are simply to control you better and remove yet more of your civil liberties. Stay free! Say no and do not do as you are told. We are the people and we outnumber them.

27. People going down the boozer and cheering two blokes knockin’ shit out of each other on the telly? Nah.

28. Black Friday. Yet another Americanism we do not ask for nor need. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving (most Brits don’t know what it is) and we do not need it’s support act. Definition: Last shopping orgy for unneeded product at knockdown prices after Thanksgiving and before Xmas. Employed by U.K. now to get even more hapless consumers to part with money they don’t have. Defined by seeing two mothers tearing each other apart for the last Barbie doll. Sick actually.

29. Ian McNabb‘s radio show. Wirral Radio. Starts June 20th. Two hours of premium rock ‘n’ roll and super opinionated banter and guests.

30. [On Take That] Stripograms for middle aged women – who don’t get their kit off.

31. Note to artists: Play the fuckin hits. Thousands of people went to see James tonight and the only report I’m seeing is “They didn’t play Sit Down.” FAIL.

32. Is anyone still up? We’ve just thrown a pizza in and I’ve uncorked a red which me mate at the offy assures me is “rich”. Hurry up. Bring a helmet! [5.25am].

33. Why has Later…with Soft Lad run longer than The Old Grey Whistle Test? Even when OGWT was on it’s last legs it was so much better than this predictable tosh.

34. The best way to stop this alleged terrorism might be to stop bombing other people’s property.

35. DJs are fuckin’ planks. Money for shit.

36. I’d rather see SAHB [Sensational Alex Harvey band] miming than Damon Albarn performing live.

37. You’re about as far from free as it is possible to be without being in a cage. A slave from the moment you are born. To usury.

38. Great to see so many posts from folk glowing about a live concert they’ve been out to see. Thank you for supporting real musicians who have spent years getting to be as good as they are. We appreciate your hard earned money and your time! Turn off the global billion dollar karaoke shitfest they throw at you every weekend and GO AND SEE A LOCAL GIG!

39. There is more chance of Danny Dyer getting an Oscar then there being a significant terrorist attack in 2014.

40. Kim Kardashian. What is this all about? Showing your arse. Thanks for being a terrific role model to young girls everywhere. Her message? Show your arse and “‘break the internet.”

41. It’s officially National Counter Terror Awareness Week. In the run up to Xmas the media will now try to scare you to death with terror warnings on a daily basis. Basically they want you to regard anyone who looks like they may have slept with Claire Danes as a threat.

42. Congratulations to everyone who bought the Band Aid 30 track. It’s number one and you helped save the world. Now go back to voting on the phone and buying fucking X Factor singles. Thank you.

43. One more brief reflection on my gig in Leeds last night. Audience utterly silent during songs and loud and jolly between. Please take note Cunts who jabber all the way through gigs. I hate going to them and I hate doing them. No one wants to hear you talking/shouting over the music, they paid to hear it and us strummers are here to play it.

44. “I mean, Mr. Blue Sky is really great anytime yannow? But when skies are blue, It’s REALLY great.” Sir Dirk McQuickly.

45. Next year every band who split up twenty years ago that you never search for on Youtube will be reforming.

46. Have you noticed corner shops are now called convenience stores? WTF?

47. Esther McVey. I dunno who you’re supposed to represent or who voted for you, perhaps a few stuck up idiots in Heswall who’ve made their money more through luck than judgement, but you certainly do not speak for Liverpool.

48. Tom Odell. If I ever see you you are getting a slap for Real Love.

49. I host open mic TONIGHT. EVAC 90 Seel St. Liverpool I play songs! You play songs! Drinks promotions! A FREE DRINK for everyone who performs! The dog faced boy! The bearded lady! The Elephant Man! See you there from the toll of eight bells! BRING AN INSTRUMENT!

50. Exposing Cuntery. [Picture of Jools Holland].

51. If by some miracle I ever got on that show [Jools Holland] I’d let JH play trombone on everything.

52. [On promoters] Some of them expect an artist to travel the length of the country and perform for less than it would cost to call an electrician out.

53. The television has been a insult to the intelligence of mankind for some time now, but tonight in the U.K. new depths have been plumbed. A bunch of nonentities doing what-exactly in a jungle in a prime time viewing slot that apparently has millions of broken-minded people addicted already – and Sir Bob Geldof appearing on the most hyped TV show in history that purports to show us new musical talent, which, however is actually a karaoke competition that earns millions for it’s creators yet treats it’s deluded contestants (some who are clearly in need of professional therapy) like baked beans, showing us film of sick, dying black people and demanding that the show’s viewers, a great many of them crushed by the austerity measures of a government it never elected into power, buy a dreadful, patronising pop record to save the world from a disease that no one had heard of a month ago. The decline of humanity continues at a brisk pace.

54. Media gave scant reportage of white police officer killing unarmed black teenager previous to verdict being delivered. Media now giving 24/7 updates of black people rioting.

55. Announcement of the new Bond film is third item on the news. Keep taking your medication.

56. The Red Hot Chilli Peppers didn’t play their instruments at the Superbowl. Whoopee-fuckin’-do. If you really want to grab my attention please tell me they’re not gonna ever play them in the future as well.

57. The vilification of Russell Brand and level of hatred and insult thrown at him for having a go is disgusting. So what if he doesn’t know what he’s talking about? Who gives a fuck? Do you think Cameron, Miliband and Farage know what they’re talking about?! They do not! At least someone who didn’t come up through the Buggering Boys Network gets on the telly and has a chance to speak. Throw yer bile at the unelected cunts killing the country, not some half assed revolutionary who entertains us the more he fails. Keep at it Russell.

58. [On Black Friday] Consume! Buy shit you don’t want! Spend! Spend money you don’t have! Buy on credit. CONSUME! CONSUME! CONSUME! Here is what you must do! Here is where! Here is when! Purchase over priced coffee and food that is bad for you while you do it!

59. Kasabian and the Arctic Monkeys (whatever you think of them) will be the last two British ‘rock’ bands (neither of them are rock bands in my opinion) that will ever rise to a significant level. Kasabian have failed to garner any interest in the U.S.A. Ed Sheeran is the biggest British singer/songwriter in the world. Great Britain must change it’s name soon for musical reasons as well as the Cuntery of it’s leaders.

60. Who’d have thought it. Nigh on forty years on the good ship rock ‘n’ roll. And here I am. Putting CDs in jiffy bags and typing. I’m a fuckin’ receptionist.

61. [On Susan Boyle covering Pink Floyd] I’m looking forward to hearing Several Small Species Of Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And Grooving With A Pict.

62. Christmas is imminent. You can tell this as people are generally a lot more anxious and edgy, worried and irritable.

63. Nothing makes us feel as secure as overweight, unfit coppers brandishing automatic weapons in busy public places.

64. I’ve now listened to so much prog this weekend that everything else sounds like Three Blind Mice.

65. I’m not too bothered about all that MP3 sucks routine meself. I heard most of the stuff I love first on shitty cassette tapes that hissed.

66. [Big picture of Take That] Pay your taxes cunt!

67. Dear Haters, Benefits Street is a government sanctioned programme to make you hate the wrong people. If you believe it I pity you.

68. Spotify just sent me a message “You recently listened to The Cure, you may like The Icicle Works.”

69. Dear Kate Bush, we love you and are thrilled at your return. However, you have many fans outside of the capital city, and aside from the expense of the concert tickets, you are asking people to travel many miles, sometimes hundreds – to come and see you and then to pay the criminal prices afforded people who visit London, including accommodation. Please play a run of shows in the Midlands, the North, and Scotland as your return is now starting to sour in light of your reluctance to admit there is intelligence outside of London.

70. Olaf from Kasabian “When I heard Kula Shaker there was no turning back.

71. [On producers] Well…working in the biz like I do I’ve been privvy to a lot of this jargon and let me tell you…I’ve sat there while sound nerd producers have A and B’d stuff to buggery for me and I’d be hard pressed to tell the difference. I’m listening to the music not the sodding bit rate.

72. The government will try to convince you this week that public service pensions are welfare in order to make it look like welfare is a much larger drain on your tax payments than it actually is. The biggest drain on your tax is wealthy bankers not paying tax.

73. No wonder people have lost their love of music. They download crappy MP3s (which sound awful, trust me I’m a musician) and then listen to them through shit tinny headphones while they’re doing something else. Buy a physical copy, put it on a good sound system, turn your phone off and CONCENTRATE.

74. [On the 70s]  I remember when forests were used for other activities than dogging and suicide.

75.  I’ve met Carl [Barat]. He once asked me if I knew where he could get some “gear”‘. I suggested he ring his mate.

76. IF YOU DON’T LIKE NOISE, BELLE AND SEBASTIAN WILL BE PLAYING HERE IN MARCH.

77. There is no terrorism.

78. Quote of the night “I’m fed up of poisoned munchkins.”

79. [On Jools Holland] He is so utterly wrong for the job he has held for decades. A typical BBC trait.

80. I love rockumentaries featuring posh blokes.

81. Now then. Here’s a band from Athens, Georgia. Peter Buck is their guitar player. He’s fucking boss. What do you think? He doesn’t bend notes. HE BENDS MINDS.

82. Non performers, count yourself fortunate. You will only ever end up in one box in your lifetime.

83. [On R.E.M.] I saw them at Hammersmith Odeon in 87 and it was very odd. I was however on smack at the time so that may be why.

84. Fancy a day in Hell? Booking now! [On Muse playing Download]

85. Well I for one am chuffed that the lovely Jennifer Aniston has finally found a role she can inhabit in movies after years of bouncing around in romcom hell. She plays a nymphomaniac dentist for the second time in Horrible Bosses 2. Altogether now…SCHWIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNG!

86. Article in the Liverpool Echo reads, ‘Welcome to the greatest city in the world.’ McNabb: ‘The coke’s shite.’

87. When venues ask me for a slice of the merch I agree if I can have 10% of the bar.

88. [On Cheryl] This woman is an Illuminati puppet who is omnipresent in the British mindset, beamed into the homes and lives of brainwashed, incapable of independent thought, programmed human robots, on a minute by minute basis. They will do whatever she (her controllers) suggests. This does not make her a great artist, it makes her a false goddess to the weak minded. She is everything that is wrong with “entertainment” in the 21st century.

89. Since the Stone Roses thing happened [reformation]people are hip to how much can be made for a little effort.

90. Fracking endorsing Liverpool Echo gets behind Coca-Cola. KILL THEM.

91. Listening to Mick Jagger on 6music doing the best Jagger impersonation ever

92. Barry Manilow attempts to laugh off plastic surgery rumours but has trouble stretching face into a smile.

93. The government are really fucking scared of Russell Brand. He must be close to the gold.

94. Steve Albini. Makes shit, unlistenable records that have to be remixed at great expense by proper producers for general consumption. Did the impossible and made Page and Plant sound terrible on their 1998 album Walking Into Clarksdale. Wanker.

95. Cameron: “Terrorists are using the internet to communicate with each other.” Thank you for this information prime minister. Unbelievable. Let’s turn it off. Let’s get rid of phones too. And letters. And how about we stop people meeting in public? That’ll stop ’em. Ban sign language too. And winking.

96. Many questions need to be asked this week. Here’s the one bugging me. If Myleene Klass can afford 8k a week, why the fuck is she renting?!

97. At what point does a young lad think, “I wanna be in a boy band and sing other people’s songs and do as I’m told and have no say in my own career and have stylists telling me how to do my hair and what to wear.“? Over, “I wanna write great songs and be in a rock ‘n’ roll band, travel the world with my mates, drink, snort and shag my way through the next ten years and not give a shit what anyone thinks.“? It’s puzzling!

98. Right. Here comes the fuckin’ weekend motherfuckers. Wilko Johnson did not die, and I for one, think this is an amazing story. One of the greatest of our time. And he’s still with us.

99. [On Jools Holland, again] The BBC have enabled him to portray himself as the gatekeeper of “real” music in a world of X Factor. Fake and opportunist. No talent except that of self promotion.

100. BTW most of these [Liverpool] flats remain empty apart from the weekend when dickheads rent them as crack dens.

101. The Times gave Jackson Browne at the RAH a five star review. Fair play. However, the comment “As an argument for the ongoing relevance of the singer-songwriter, this concert was hard to beat” is a pretty fucking idiotic thing to say. The ongoing argument for the relevance of dipshit music journos continues.

102. I’m listening to a Caravan album where every solo appears to be played on a clapped out mellotron.

103. Guardians Of The Galaxy. Rainbow In Space. Shite. No score. Turned off.

104. Crosby, Stills and Nash were originally going to call themselves the Frozen Noses. I doubt of The Frozen Noses And Neil Young would have sold out Wembley Stadium in 1974 however.

105. “This troubled planet is a place of the most violent contrasts. Those who receive the rewards are totally separated from those who shoulder the burdens. It is not a wise leadership.” Mr. Spock – Star Trek (TV Series) ‘The Cloud Minders’ 1969.

106. Anne Hathaway. The movies I’ve seen her in are good despite her not because of her. Stinks of fame school.

107. What was the first single you ever bought? Mine was Silvia’s Mother by Doctor Hook And The Medicine Show… Great tune. I met Dennis a few years ago. He stank of pot

108. Listening to R.E.M. live on the Green tour 1989. Last time I ever saw them live. The end of the real R.E.M. fan’s era.

109. Roger Waters managed to carry an entire wall around the world. I’m sure Kate [Bush]’s stage set up will fit in a couple of lorries.

110. Congrats to Charles Manson and his 26 year old bride to be. Roll on 2027 when they can enjoy a fabulous honeymoon.

111. Barry Manilow looks like his head has been turned inside out.

112. The bloke answering questions on Pink Floyd on Mastermind had them confused with Pink.

113. When I heard Kurt Cobain passed away (is that the best way to describe it?) I was staying in a boutique hotel on Sunset Strip, sharing a room with Nick Warren who was then my roadie. We were in Los Angeles that day to shoot a video for You Must Be Prepared To Dream with Billy Talbot and Ralph Molina from Crazy Horse. He told me when I got back from a coffee run and I felt as sick as everybody else who heard the news that morning. Of course we’d all watched the Kurt And Courtney Junkie Soap Opera unfold over a fairly long, protracted period of time and Kurt had allegedly tried to off himself before so we knew he was unstable, but it seemed he’d got himself together of late. It wasn’t surprising therefore but nevertheless of course a shock, especially the nature of his demise. We went on and shot the video but what should have been relatively easy and a bit of fun (amongst the tedium of a two day video shoot it is possible to have a laugh if you try hard enough) there was definitely a cloud hanging over everything. The chaps from Crazy Horse were particularly freaked that Kurt chose to quote a Neil Young song in his suicide note “It’s better to burn out than fade away…” – something which non of them actually believed, it was just a great rock ‘n’ roll thing to say. The video shoot went well and we did what we set out to achieve. Later that night after dinner and a few libations we gathered in my room and had a little jam and a long chat. The mood was subdued and David Cavanagh from Q was there doing a piece on us. I sat down with my guitar at one point and started playing Something In The Way which Billy and Ralph appeared to know. David Cavanagh was trying to get a quote or two from the lads but they didn’t want to know. They’d lost a close friend and fellow band member themselves back in the day, Danny Whitten (composer of I Don’t Want To Talk About It) had died of a heroin overdose and shocked them all to the core, much in the same way as everybody felt at that particular moment. The night ended soon after and everybody went off to bed in a sombre mood. It took me a long time to be able to listen to Nirvana music again and now I realise how important Kurt Cobain was and how Nirvana will always be remembered despite the slim body of work they released. Learn from these events please young musicians. It ain’t worth dying for and it is after all Only Rock ‘N’ Roll. R.I.P. Kurt Cobain 1967-1994. I x

114.  I went to a party once where the hostess decided the highlight of the evening would be herself climbing into a black binbag and pretending to be a slug who’d just had salt poured on it. Thank you for reading my posts.

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