BONG BONG! Getintothis had a super-sick night at the 2010 MOBO Awards in Liverpool. We learnt so much about ‘celebrity life’, music of a black origin and after-fights at VIP parties. Here’s a run-down of our MOBO education.
The red carpet was like a night out down Concert Square. Was confused at criteria for red carpet justification. Seems you have to be in porn/marry or have sexual intercourse with a footballer/be on reality TV/be up for a MOBO BONG.
This a porno broad from the ‘ghetto’ called Ethylene. Think she was tryin to add ‘class’ but everyone knows she’s banged boxer/woman-beater/rapist Mike Tyson. Prob showed to get laid at Hilton after-fight.
Mickey Rourke‘s botox was working wonders. Did y’all cry at the end of The Wrestler? So deep. So vulnerable.
This broad is Ali G. Famous for being a wife of a footballer and getting free swizzle from Liverpool clobber shop Cricket. Not sure if she is melting or sweating? Fatty bird in background is way stoked to see her.
This is Gamu. She is mahoosive celebrity from Zimbabwe. Everytime she opens her mouth someone cries. X Factor bro Simon Cowell fears she may be deported and he’d lose loads of bank plus the Christmas number one.
No idea why ladyboys were invited? Have they had sexual intercourse with a footballer?
This is a soft porno calender broad called Mandy Harry. She is a Scouser. She is a role model for all ladies. She was dating footballer/brawler Joey Barton.
This is Michelle ‘Destiny’s Child‘ Williams and some bro off a teatime dancing show. Michelle is currently on the same teatime dancing show as her music career is ‘over’. Producers of show are bummed as they thought she would do an ‘Alicia Keys‘ but she is actually rubbish.
Mark Ronson opened the MOBOs. Not sure if he’s of black origin? But he is an ‘honoury’ Scouser as he’s best mates with Seany Lennon. Can’t decide about the Flock of Seagulls bangs? He’s rubbish on Buzzcocks.
Alicia Keys hosted the MOBOs with some dude called Reg. Bummed for Reg. He bombed at reading his big yellow and purple words via an ‘autocue’. Alicia has rad thighs since winning the famous teatime dance competition show.
Beat-pop combo N-Dubz played a romantic chillwave number before winning Best Track BONG. Later they went to popular mainstream bar Circo on the docks and got into trouble for not paying for their drinks.
This is Jay Seany. Had no idea who he was so looked up on Wiki and it says he’s a ‘one-man Asian boyband’. His last album ‘peaked’ at #62.
This is reality show losers, JLS performing with Katy Perry‘s ex-bro Travie McCoy. Bummed to miss them as I was queueing for a drink for 20 minutes, but judging by the madass screams they went down well and could be the new Jackson 5. They scooped several BONGS too including Best UK BONG and CD BONG.
These be Crips’ Tim ‘Timmy’ Cahill and Tim ‘USA’ Howard. They went to MTV VMAs in Liverpool, so must have felt way bummed at lo-rent MOBOs. They got big boos and big whoops from crowd for beating the Bloods earlier that week.
Stoked Abel Xavier showed. Lookin rad in pea-green threads and sick bangs. Don’t think anyone minded when he crossed Stanley Park from the crips to the bloods. He bagged best BONG BONG.
This is Cory B-Ray. She is a ‘serious’ artist, making background jazz shizzle for the middle-class. I don’t know any of her music but she’s always third on late night music show Jools Holland.
This is Nelly. Not sure why he was here, maybe cos Eminem couldn’t be arsed. Everyone wanted/expected him to play Hot In Here, but instead he did a lame plug for his new rubbish single so everyone went the bar/went the toilet/went home.
Tinie Tempah, TT to his mates, was the Best Bro of the night signified by three costume changes. He was up and down like a yo-yo baggin lots of BONGS inc Best UK BONG. Ladies love TT cos they wanna put him in their ‘pocket’.
This is Lady MOBO Kanya King with Alicia Keys. She said: ‘There are a lot of artists who’ve been grinding away, working phenomenally hard, but don’t get the recognition. If they don’t get the recognition here, where else are they going to get it?‘
This was a highlight. Lots of bros including crossover bro Giggs freestyling to some Dre-dubstep-garage tip. Was mega stoked by this bit.
The night ended with an after-show royal rumble kick-off at the Hilton Hotel with footballer/adulterer Wayne Rooney‘s whore attending along with a lot of softporn stars, footballers and thugs. People were ‘glassed’ in the face, bottles were thrown, Jermaine Defoe DJ-ed and riot police with dogs were called in nine times to shut down the party.
Luckily Getintothis avoided the Hilton and headed to The Shipping Forecast where Mark Ronson did the business on the decks and we partied til 4am. It was super-rad and the best ‘section’ of the night.
Did you go the MOBOs?
Did you agree/disagree/couldn’t give a BONG about the winners?
Who had the best bangs of the night – Abel Xavier/Mark Ronson/Dippy N-Dubz bro?
Was Liverpool City Council right to pay mad bank for the MOBOs to come to Liverpool? Should they pay even more mad bank for the BRITS?
Were you at the Hilton after-fight? Did you get ‘glassed’? Did you see any footballers paying for whores? Would you sleep with a footballer for ‘the fame’? Is society doomed?
Here are the winners of the MOBOs 2010:
Best UK BONG: JLS
Best new BONG: Tinie Tempah
Best Yank BONG: Eminem
Best Track BONG: N-Dubz feat Mr Hudson – Playing With Fire
Best CD BONG: JLS – JLS
Best Vid BONG: Tinie Tempah feat Labrinth – Frisky
Best Rap BONG: Professor Green
Best Bob Marley BONG: Gyptian
Best Jizz BONG: Empirical
Best Church BONG: Guvna B
Best Slow BONG: Plan B
Best Africa BONG: K’Naan
BONG BONG: Billy Ocean
Game Over by Tinchy Stryder featuring Giggs, Professor Green, Tinie Tempah and Devlin.
Getintothis at the MTV Awards in Liverpool.
Getintothis at the Grammys.
Getintothis BRITS coverage.