Bros documentary After The Screaming Stops has become a sensation for all the wrong reasons, Getintothis’ Peter Guy reflects on the Goss brothers’ best quotes.
They left it late however, Bros brothers Matt and Luke Goss have stole the show for music TV programme of 2018.
The documentary After The Screaming Stops, which aired via the BBC on December 23, focuses on the Goss brothers’ reunion 28 years on from when they ruled the world.
However, it’s the lack of self-awareness and endless reams of quotes from the brothers which has resulted in a real life Spinal Tap which is as hilarious as it is wince-inducing.
Part David Brent, part Alan Partridge and part Metallica, After The Screaming Stops is compulsive viewing.
We’d recommend you stop reading this, skip the spoilers below and watch Bros: After the Screaming Stops on iplayer here.
If you have already, here’s our pick of the best quotes…
1. “I made a conscious decision because of Stevie Wonder not to be superstitious.” – Matt Goss.
2. “The best toy we had growing up was a dart, no dart board, just a dart.” – Matt Goss
3. “I can’t go anywhere without my 1950s bandana – it’s with me when I go to sleep – it’s part of my little idiosyncrasiiiiiiiies.” – Matt Goss
4. “I’ve been chipping away with a butter knife at a very big tree and I’ve said timber on quite a few trees now with that blunt butter knife – and it’s quickly turning into a pretty efficient tool.” – Matt Goss
5. “This is my cave area. I have crystals everywhere. Love a bit of chess, have a few glasses of scotch, have a long game of scotch, of chess.” – Matt Goss
This #Bros programme on BBC4 is the music documentary we didn’t know we wanted, but is absolute gold.
— Natalie Mitchell (@Mitchell_Nat) December 23, 2018
6. “I don’t allow arguments in this house. If you wanna argue in this house you gotta leave. This is conversation corner.” – Matt Goss
7. “This is my best friend, Alfie, my bulldog – I had him painted, holding a pint of beer.” – Matt Goss
8. “We had so many band names – Summerhouse. Gloss. Caviar – we didn’t know what it was but we knew it was expensive. When we found out it was fish eggs, we thought that wasn’t a good look for a band.” – Matt Goss
Is the Bros doc on BBC 4 getting a DVD release? If so, everyone is getting this real-life Spinal Tap for Christmas next year. pic.twitter.com/0mEJrmheKC
— Brooke Theis (@Brooke_Theis) December 27, 2018
9. “When I’m writing songs I write so fast it’s just scribbles [points to song engineer]but we have unique telepathy – you have to have telepathy – to keep up with me because there’s maybe a hundred tracks of backing vocals and it’s all me – we call it The Matt GOSSpel Choir.” – Matt Goss
10. “One of my songs is called We’re All Kings. Which is about a man sweeping the road – he’s one of my kings because I’m thankful I don’t have to sweep the road.” – Matt Goss
11. “I’m obsessed with the news, it ironically relaxes me, if I don’t see the news I don’t feel informed then I can’t go about my day properly. CNN is the thinking man’s reality show.” – Matt Goss
The Bros documentary is the single greatest piece of television ever made. pic.twitter.com/6UkZyqEBNQ
— Woozle (@the_woozle) December 27, 2018
12. “Once bitten twice shy. Twenty times bitten – a little shy.” – Luke Goss
13. “I’m a London boy. You know – Big Ben. The Embankment. Cab drivers.” – Luke Goss
14. “The letters H. O. M. E. are so important because they personify the word home.” – Matt Goss
— Jon Holmes (@jonholmes1) December 27, 2018
15. “Everyone has to be on the same page otherwise you don’t get to turn the page. Because somebody gets left behind otherwise and then somebody has lost the page of the story which maybe key to the ending.” – Matt Goss
16. Matt: “This [points to stage set]gives the illusion of pyros falling down.”
Luke: “They are pyros. Real pyros.”
— Peter Guy (@Getintothis) December 27, 2018
17. “He was a rectangle and I was a rectangle and we made a square which therefore is a fortress.” – Matt Goss
18. “We got to number one and we were sponsored by Pepsi at the time. And they sent down a truck. Of, ummm, Pepsi. Pepsi.” – Matt Goss
19. “Occasionally I’m gonna disagree. But I’m not disagreeing because I wanna be right. I’m disagreeing because I don’t like the choice.” – Luke Goss
20. “If you fall asleep, it’s one of those situations, where you’re going to miss the train.” – Matt Goss
Just watched the #bros #Whenthescreamingstops doc. Utterly brilliant for all the wrong reasons, the build to the last 30 seconds is the best bit of comedy editing I've seen all year. Absolutely crying at what a total bellend Matt Goss is.
— DJ Food (@djfood) December 27, 2018
21. “I remember falling asleep in the bath and my bodyguard sold a picture of me taking a 15 minute nap in the bath. You see yourself in the bath in a magazine – it’s embarrassing. Luckily, there were bubbles.” – Matt Goss
22. “I think hindsight is the philosophy of fools. I love words but I think it’s valid. Because you learn nothing in some ways. Because sometimes you have to do the same again.” – Matt Goss
Omg, is this the Bros doc that’s just pure partridge?
— 🦝Lil’ king trashmouth🦝 (@owen_jones) December 27, 2018
23. “If there was ever 15 one way streets and one solitary two way street where me and my brother got to meet in the middle – you helped find that one street. We’ve met in the middle.” – Matt Goss